The previous chapter of the Kama Sutra focused on the role of women. The following chapter describes how a man should conduct himself. Note, here, too, emphasis is placed on personal hygiene, appearance, etc. , similar to the article on chemistry between man and woman.

"The more connections you and your lover make, not just between your bodies, but between your minds, your hearts, and your souls, the more you will strengthen the fabric of your relationship, and the more real moments you will experience together."


Barbara de Angelis


Kind regards,
Neil Knight

CHAPTER IV.

THE LIFE OF A CITIZEN.[13]

Having thus acquired learning, a man, with the wealth that he may have gained by gift, conquest, purchase, deposit,[14] or inheritance from his ancestors, should become a householder, and pass the life of a citizen. He should take a house in a city, or large village, or in the vicinity of good men, or in a place which is the resort of many persons. This abode should be situated near some water, and divided into different compartments for different purposes. It should be surrounded by a garden, and also contain two rooms, an outer and an inner one. The inner room should be occupied by the females, while the outer room, balmy with rich perfumes, should contain a bed, soft, agreeable to the sight covered with a clean white cloth, low in the middle part, having garlands and bunches of flowers[15] upon it, and a canopy above it, and two pillows, one at the top, another at the bottom. There should be also a sort of couch besides, and at the head of this a sort of stool, on which should be placed the fragrant ointments for the night, as well as flowers, pots containing collyrium and other fragrant substances, things used for perfuming the mouth, and the bark of the common citron tree. Near the couch, on the ground, there should be a pot for spitting, a box containing ornaments, and also a lute hanging from a peg made of the tooth of an elephant, a board for drawing, a pot containing perfume, some books, and some garlands of the yellow amaranth flowers. Not far from the couch, and on the ground, there should be a round seat, a toy cart, and a board for playing with dice; outside the outer room [28]there should be cages of birds,[16] and a separate place for spinning, carving, and such like diversions. In the garden there should be a whirling swing and a common swing, as also a bower of creepers covered with flowers, in which a raised parterre should be made for sitting.

Now the householder having got up in the morning and performed his necessary duties,[17] should wash his teeth, apply a limited quantity of ointments and perfumes to his body, put some ornaments on his person and collyrium on his eyelids and below his eyes, colour his lips with alacktaka,[18] and look at himself in the glass. Having then eaten betel leaves, with other things that give fragrance to the mouth, he should perform his usual business. He should bathe daily, anoint his body with oil every other day, apply a lathering[19] substance to his body every three days, get his head (including face) shaved every four days, and the other parts of his body every five or ten days.[20] All these things should be done without fail, and the sweat of the armpits should also be removed. Meals should be taken in the forenoon, in the afternoon, and again at night, according to Charayana. After breakfast, parrots and other birds should be taught to speak, and the fighting of cocks, quails, and rams should follow. A limited time should be devoted to diversions with Pithamardas, Vitas, and Vidushakas,[21] and then should be taken the midday sleep.[22] After this the householder, having put on his clothes and ornaments, should, during the afternoon, converse with his friends. In the evening there should be singing, and after that the householder, along with his friend, should await in his room, previously decorated and perfumed, the arrival of the woman that may be attached to him, or he may send a female messenger for her, [29]or go for her himself. After her arrival at his house, he and his friend should welcome her, and entertain her with a loving and agreeable conversation. Thus end the duties of the day.

The following are the things to be done occasionally as diversions or amusements.

1. Holding festivals[23] in honour of different Deities.
2. Social gatherings of both sexes.
3. Drinking parties.
4. Picnics.
5. Other social diversions.

Festivals.

On some particular auspicious day, an assembly of citizens should be convened in the temple of Saraswati.[24] There the skill of singers, and of others who may have come recently to the town, should be tested, and on the following day they should always be given some rewards. After that they may either be retained or dismissed, according as their performances are liked or not by the assembly. The members of the assembly should act in concert, both in times of distress as well as in times of prosperity, and it is also the duty of these citizens to show hospitality to strangers who may have come to the assembly. What is said above should be understood to apply to all the other festivals which may be held in honour of the different Deities, according to the present rules.

Social Gatherings.

When men of the same age, disposition and talents, fond of the same diversions and with the same degree of education, sit together in company with public women,[25]or in an assembly of [30]citizens, or at the abode of one among themselves, and engage in agreeable discourse with each other, such is called a sitting in company or a social gathering. The subjects of discourse are to be the completion of verses half composed by others, and the testing the knowledge of one another in the various arts. The women who may be the most beautiful, who may like the same things that the men like, and who may have power to attract the minds of others, are here done homage to.

Drinking Parties.

Men and women should drink in one another's houses. And here the men should cause the public women to drink, and should then drink themselves, liquors such as the Madhu, Aireya, Sara, and Asawa, which are of bitter and sour taste; also drinks concocted from the barks of various trees, wild fruits and leaves.

Going to Gardens or Picnics.

In the forenoon, men, having dressed themselves should go to gardens on horseback, accompanied by public women and followed by servants. And having done there all the duties of the day, and passed the time in various agreeable diversions, such as the fighting of quails, cocks and rams, and other spectacles, they should return home in the afternoon in the same manner, bringing with them bunches of flowers, &c.

The same also applies to bathing in summer in water from which wicked or dangerous animals have previously been taken out, and which has been built in on all sides.

Other Social Diversions.

Spending nights playing with dice. Going out on moonlight nights. Keeping the festive day in honour of spring. Plucking the sprouts and fruits of the mangoe trees. Eating[31]the fibres of lotuses. Eating the tender ears of corn. Picnicing in the forests when the trees get their new foliage. The Udakakashvedika or sporting in the water. Decorating each other with the flowers of some trees. Pelting each other with the flowers of the Kadamba tree, and many other sports which may either be known to the whole country, or may be peculiar to particular parts of it. These and similar other amusements should always be carried on by citizens.

The above amusements should be followed by a person who diverts himself alone in company with a courtesan, as well as by a courtesan who can do the same in company with her maid servants or with citizens.

A Pithamarda[26] is a man without wealth, alone in the world, whose only property consists of his Mallika,[27] some lathering, substance and a red cloth, who comes from a good country, and who is skilled in all the arts; and by teaching these arts is received in the company of citizens, and in the abode of public women.

A Vita[28] is a man who has enjoyed the pleasures of fortune, who is a compatriot of the citizens with whom he associates, who is possessed of the qualities of a householder, who has his wife with him, and who is honoured in the assembly of citizens, and in the abodes of public women, and lives on their means and on them.

A Vidushaka[29] (also called a Vaihasaka, i.e., one who provokes [32]laughter) is a person only acquainted with some of the arts who is a jester, and who is trusted by all.

These persons are employed in matters of quarrels and reconciliations between citizens and public women.

This remark applies also to female beggars, to women with their heads shaved, to adulterous women, and to old public women skilled in all the various arts.

Thus a citizen living in his town or village, respected by all, should call on the persons of his own caste who may be worth knowing. He should converse in company and gratify his friends by his society, and obliging others by his assistance in various matters, he should cause them to assist one another in the same way.

There are some verses on this subject as follows:—

A citizen discoursing, not entirely in the Sanscrit language,[30] nor wholly in the dialects of the country, on various topics in society, obtains great respect. The wise should not resort to a society disliked by the public, governed by no rules, and intent on the destruction of others. But a learned man living in a society which acts according to the wishes of the people, and which has pleasure for its only object is highly respected in this world.

Chemistry Between Two People

Chemistry between two people - is it spontaneous and natural, or can it be cultivated? Julian Manley explores this subject and offers some useful advice.

Kind regards,
Neil Knight

Chemistry Between Two People - Spontaneous and Natural...Or Can It be Cultivated?   by Julian Manley

in Relationships / Dating    (submitted 2010-09-11)

I'm sure you've heard about sexual chemistry, and perhaps even experienced it. But what do we mean by the term, actually? How do you recognize it? And is it really down to chemicals - and therefore something outside of your control - or is it something else, something that you can work on and develop over time? Read on and find out...

What's Meant By Sexual Chemistry?

From a man's point of view, by sexual chemistry I mean that "Wow!" feeling, that set of intense emotional and physical sensations that being with a specific woman brings on. It's generally at its most intense in the early stages of a relationship.

The most immediate signs for me have been things that I would probably associate with an adrenaline surge. Like, my pulse suddenly lives in the back of my throat, I hear it in my ears; an excited bird flutters its wings in my stomach, I do and say things impulsively - and words that flow unbidden from my mouth cause my mind to reel in shock and horror! I become an accident zone - fidgeting, knocking over glasses, dropping things...

Okay, okay, I exaggerate somewhat, but degrees of the above have definitely occurred.

Fortunately, after the initial rush, sanity returns (somewhat, anyway), and a new phase begins. The sexual chemistry now brings on a feeling of lightness, and energy, like I could effortlessly dance and talk the night away. I feel ecstatic. Nothing to do with drugs - not the bought kind anyway...

Food, usually a biggie for me, loses its importance - the pleasure of talking, listening to her, connecting and building rapport, is over-riding. She seems to be lit by a subtle spotlight, everything about her is vivid and attractive. I notice small things about her, which would normally be insignificant...like a delightful dusting of freckles on the lobe of one ear but not the other. A bubble of warm comfort surrounds me, us. I feel like I must have known her in a previous life - and strangely, often my thoughts at this time are not overtly about sex...

What about women, do they have similar experiences of sexual chemistry? Most definitely. I remember some time back, when a new girlfriend confessed to "going weak at the knees..."

And when the sexual chemistry flows two ways, heaven is at hand - or so it seems.

Is There Really A Chemical Connection?

It seems there is. Researchers have found conclusively that the above states are associated with increased blood levels of certain hormones and neurotransmitters. Elevated levels have been measured of especially the feel-good chemical dopamine and the neurotransmitter noradrenalin. The brain has also been found to be over-stimulated, neurons flashing like an electric storm!

Okay, so the increased levels of chemicals are related to and actually cause the symptoms of sexual chemistry described above. But what causes the levels of these chemicals to become elevated in the first place? Surely these are evidence of super-strong attraction, in response to a particular person...

So What Causes It Then? More Chemicals?

Some scientists say it's attributable to pheromones. These are chemicals that our bodies secrete (as do those of animals) and which attract members of the opposite sex. But to me that is somewhat facile and indiscriminate...it doesn't explain why two people can have intense sexual chemistry between them, but if you take those same people and pair them with someone else, there is little or no chemistry.

So perhaps chemicals do play a role, but the degree of sexual chemistry between two people is due to far more than just chemicals.

So If It's Not Just Chemicals, What Then?

First impressions play a huge role. It's sometimes described as "love at first sight". And that does not mean only that we find the person physically attractive - in fact, many studies have found that other factors are far more important.

These include their personal hygiene, their hair, their clothing and sense of style, their suntan (or lack of it), how healthy they look, how confident they are, the way they walk, talk, their mannerisms, and their aura of masculinity or femininity...down to the timbre, pitch and tone of their voice! Whether they laugh a lot or not, look high or drunk, are with friends and seem well-liked. The list goes on...and best of all, apart from a few universals, everybody's list is different - our preferences have been shaped by our personal histories.

And it's not calculated-it's virtually instinctive, we mostly pick up on these cues in a flash. I'm told it's inbuilt, and perhaps we can't always articulate it, but we're hard-wired with this ability to select and cherry-pick what best suits us.

So...Can One Develop Sexual Chemistry?

For some couples sexual chemistry takes a while before it "explodes", which could have a lot to do with initial shyness and lack of confidence on the part of either or both partners. Mostly, however, if you don't have it with a woman after the first few dates, I don't think you'll ever have it with her.

But what you can do is ensure that you improve your chances with the next woman you're attracted to.

First master the universal basics: personal hygiene, grooming, physical health and fitness. Next, improve your personality skills if necessary: courtesy and manners, natural friendliness, empathy, observation and conversation skills, and, perhaps the most important of all - self-confidence and self-esteem. Remember, a lot of help is available in the form of workshops, books, internet forums and more. Doing this will improve your chances of igniting sexual chemistry with a woman.

But please, more than anything else: live a fun life that's interesting - and interested! Embracing curiosity, imagination and a willingness to explore will of itself invite sexual chemistry into your life.

About the Author

So who wants to know more about how to attract beautiful women? Double your dating success, learn how to approach girls here.

Kama Sutra: On The Arts And Sciences To Be Studied

Today we address the question that provoked much controversy at that time: Should women be allowed to study the Kama Sutra? Despite strong opposition by some learned men, Vatsyayana was of the opinion that women should be allowed to be familiar with the Kama Sutra. He also argued that if a marriage failed , then the wife would be able to support herself if she had studied the arts and sciences mentioned below.


Although the issues raised above do not have too much relevance today, the main lesson is that the one spouse should not be totally dependent on the other one, but he/she should be self-sufficient should the need arise.


Kind regards,
Neil Knight

CHAPTER III.

ON THE ARTS AND SCIENCES TO BE STUDIED.

Man should study the Kama Sutra and the arts and sciences subordinate thereto, in addition to the study of the arts and sciences contained in Dharma and Artha. Even young maids should study this Kama Sutra along with its arts and sciences before marriage, and after it they should continue to do so with the consent of their husbands.

Here some learned men object, and say that females, not being allowed to study any science, should not study the Kama Sutra.

But Vatsyayana is of opinion that this objection does not hold good, for women already know the practice of Kama Sutra, and that practice is derived from the Kama Shastra, or the science of Kama itself. Moreover, it is not only in this but in many other cases that though the practice of a science is known to all, only a few persons are acquainted with the rules and laws on which the science is based. Thus the Yadnikas or sacrificers, though ignorant of grammar, make use of appropriate words when addressing the different Deities, and do not know how these words are framed. Again, persons do the duties required of them on auspicious days, which are fixed by astrology, though they are not acquainted with the science of astrology. In a like manner riders of horses and elephants train these animals without knowing the science of training animals, but from practice only. And similarly the people of the most distant provinces obey the laws of the kingdom from practice, and because there is a king over them, and without further reason.[11] And from experience we find that some women, such as daughters of princes and their ministers, and public women, are actually versed in the Kama Shastra.

[23]A female, therefore, should learn the Kama Shastra, or at least a part of it, by studying its practice from some confidential friend. She should study alone in private the sixty-four practices that form a part of the Kama Shastra. Her teacher should be one of the following persons, viz., the daughter of a nurse brought up with her and already married,[12] or a female friend who can be trusted in everything, or the sister of her mother (i.e., her aunt), or an old female servant, or a female beggar who may have formerly lived in the family, or her own sister, who can always be trusted.

The following are the arts to be studied, together with the Kama Sutra:—

1. Singing.
2. Playing on musical instruments.
3. Dancing.
4. Union of dancing, singing, and playing instrumental music.
5. Writing and drawing.
6. Tattooing.
7. Arraying and adorning an idol with rice and flowers.
8. Spreading and arraying beds or couches of flowers, or flowers upon the ground.
9. Colouring the teeth, garments, hair, nails, and bodies, i.e., staining, dyeing, colouring and painting the same.
10. Fixing stained glass into a floor.
11. The art of making beds, and spreading out carpets and cushions for reclining.
12. Playing on musical glasses filled with water.
13. Storing and accumulating water in aqueducts, cisterns and reservoirs.
14. Picture making, trimming and decorating.
15. Stringing of rosaries, necklaces, garlands and wreaths.
16. Binding of turbans and chaplets, and making crests and top-knots of flowers.
17. Scenic representations. Stage playing.
18. Art of making ear ornaments.
19. Art of preparing perfumes and odours.
20. Proper disposition of jewels and decorations, and adornment in dress.
21. [24]Magic or sorcery.
22. Quickness of hand or manual skill.
23. Culinary art, i.e., cooking and cookery.
24. Making lemonades, sherbets, acidulated drinks, and spirituous extracts with proper flavour and colour.
25. Tailor's work and sewing.
26. Making parrots, flowers, tufts, tassels, bunches, bosses, knobs, &c., out of yarn or thread.
27. Solution of riddles, enigmas, covert speeches, verbal puzzles and enigmatical questions.
28. A game, which consisted in repeating verses, and as one person finished, another person had to commence at once, repeating another verse, beginning with the same letter with which the last speaker's verse ended, whoever failed to repeat was considered to have lost, and to be subject to pay a forfeit or stake of some kind.
29. The art of mimicry or imitation.
30. Reading, including chanting and intoning.
31. Study of sentences difficult to pronounce. It is played as a game chiefly by women and children, and consists of a difficult sentence being given, and when repeated quickly, the words are often transposed or badly pronounced.
32. Practice with sword, single stick, quarter staff, and bow and arrow.
33. Drawing inferences, reasoning or inferring.
34. Carpentry, or the work of a carpenter.
35. Architecture, or the art of building.
36. Knowledge about gold and silver coins, and jewels and gems.
37. Chemistry and mineralogy.
38. Colouring jewels, gems and beads.
39. Knowledge of mines and quarries.
40. Gardening; knowledge of treating the diseases of trees and plants, of nourishing them, and determining their ages.
41. Art of cock fighting, quail fighting and ram fighting.
42. Art of teaching parrots and starlings to speak.
43. Art of applying perfumed ointments to the body, and of dressing the hair with unguents and perfumes and braiding it.
44. The art of understanding writing in cypher, and the writing of words in a peculiar way.
45. [25]The art of speaking by changing the forms of words. It is of various kinds. Some speak by changing the beginning and end of words, others by adding unnecessary letters between every syllable of a word, and so on.
46. Knowledge of language and of the vernacular dialects.
47. Art of making flower carriages.
48. Art of framing mystical diagrams, of addressing spells and charms, and binding armlets.
49. Mental exercises, such as completing stanzas or verses on receiving a part of them; or supplying one, two or three lines when the remaining lines are given indiscriminately from different verses, so as to make the whole an entire verse with regard to its meaning; or arranging the words of a verse written irregularly by separating the vowels from the consonants, or leaving them out altogether; or putting into verse or prose sentences represented by signs or symbols. There are many other such exercises.
50. Composing poems.
51. Knowledge of dictionaries and vocabularies.
52. Knowledge of ways of changing and disguising the appearance of persons.
53. Knowledge of the art of changing the appearance of things, such as making cotton to appear as silk, coarse and common things to appear as fine and good.
54. Various ways of gambling.
55. Art of obtaining possession of the property of others by means of muntras or incantations.
56. Skill in youthful sports.
57. Knowledge of the rules of society, and of how to pay respects and compliments to others.
58. Knowledge of the art of war, of arms, of armies, &c.
59. Knowledge of gymnastics.
60. Art of knowing the character of a man from his features.
61. Knowledge of scanning or constructing verses.
62. Arithmetical recreations.
63. Making artificial flowers.
64. Making figures and images in clay.

A public woman, endowed with a good disposition, beauty and other winning qualities, and also versed in the above arts, obtains the name of a Ganika, or public woman of high quality,[26] and receives a seat of honour in an assemblage of men. She is, moreover, always respected by the king, and praised by learned men, and her favour being sought for by all, she becomes an object of universal regard. The daughter of a king too, as well as the daughter of a minister, being learned in the above arts, can make their husbands favourable to them, even though these may have thousands of other wives besides themselves. And in the same manner, if a wife becomes separated from her husband, and falls into distress, she can support herself easily, even in a foreign country, by means of her knowledge of these arts. Even the bare knowledge of them gives attractiveness to a woman, though the practice of them may be only possible or otherwise according to the circumstances of each case. A man who is versed in these arts, who is loquacious and acquainted with the arts of gallantry, gains very soon the hearts of women, even though he is only acquainted with them for a short time.

3 Things Successful Couples Do To Keep Their Marriage Strong

"Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth for the other.
Now there is no more loneliness, for each of you will be companion for the other.
Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you. 
Go now to your dwelling place to begin the days of your life together.
May your days together be good and long upon the earth."


Apache Blessing

If you are looking for ways to keep your marriage going well, or if your marriage is in trouble, here are a few tips from Felicia Filmore. 

Yours for a stable & long marriage,
Neil Knight

3 Things Successful Couples Do to Keep Their Marriage Strong   by Felicia Filmore

in Relationships / Marriage    (submitted 2011-03-17)

Do you constantly ask yourself "how in the world am I going to save my marriage?" Are there times when you feel like saving your marriage is a long shot? Is it getting to the point where you can hardly think straight, sleep at night or worse, can't perform your job well? If any of these resonates with you, here are some things to keep in mind if you want to save your marriage before it's too late.

Realistic Expectations
Many marriages these days have one person (if not both spouses) with unrealistic expectations for their spouse. Some expectations are so high that you're setting your spouse up for failure. Here are some common expectations that many people have for their husband or wife.

-In a successful marriage, there is no conflicts whatsoever
-My spouse will know exactly what is on my mind without me having to say anything
-Our marriage will forever be exciting, romantic, and full of passion (just like in the movies)
-My spouse will always cook me dinner when I come home from work
-My spouse will always do things that will please me
-My spouse will always want to spend every waking moment with me

These are some common marriage expectations that people often make in a marriage. Do any of these seem realistic? Don't forget that by having high expectations for your spouse, you are setting them up to fail. No one is perfect. With that said there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Marriage takes hard work and effort to keep the love alive in your relationship. Reevaluate your expectations with your spouse. Are they too high? Are they realistically possible? If so, your unreasonable expectations could be hurting your marriage.

Do You Make Compromises?
Do you and your spouse make compromises? Being able to make compromises is important when it comes to a healthy marriage. Your spouse can't always be the one bending backwards for you without you giving anything in return. This can mean anything from who's turn it is to pick the movie, pick the toppings on the pizza to sacrificing your time to do you're spouse's favorite hobby or even signing up for marriage therapy. Successful couples make sacrifices for each other because they love each other. Make sure that each individual in a marriage is making compromises.

Do You Help Your Spouse Foster Their Self-Esteem?
Some people may not realize how unsupportive they are until it's too late. Does your spouse have a dream or a goal and you're not being supportive? There's nothing more important for a husband or wife to have their love one by their side when they are going through a new and scary part in their life. Do you cheer your spouse on when he or she needs it the most? Your support will help your spouse build confidence and self-esteem. Looking out for each other's general well-being is so crucial when it comes having a successful marriage.

If you and your spouse have been married for quite some time, it's not rare to see couples who's hit a speed bump in their marriage. Marriage has it's ups and downs (and sometimes plateaus.) It's how you respond that's so important to making it work. Keep these things mentioned above in mind if you're going through a rough patch in your marriage. It could very well save your marriage.

About the Author

Got more marriage related issues? If so, you should definitely check out Winning Your Husband Back, and Save My Marriage Today.

The Acquisition of DHARMA, ARTHA and KAMA

We now begin studying the Kama Sutra in detail. The basic principles,  Dharma, Artha and Kama, are defined and we discover that we must practise all three in order to make our lives complete and fulfilling.

"Maya: I loved being with him. I would have done anything just to be with him.
Teacher of the Kama Sutra: What kind of love are you talking about? Real love? If you're looking for real love, you've chosen the hardest task of all, the work for which all other work is but preparation.
Maya: But I was ready. I wanted to give myself to him.
Teacher of the Kama Sutra: Love does not mean surrendering, "losing yourself". It is a call to ripen. Don't look for straight lines, Maya. Life is never like that. "

Yours for fulfilling and blissful relationships,
Neil Knight

PART I.

---

CHAPTER II.

ON THE ACQUISITION OF DHARMA, ARTHA AND KAMA.

Man, the period of whose life is one hundred years, should practise Dharma, Artha, and Kama at different times and in such a manner that they may harmonize together and not clash in any way. He should acquire learning in his childhood, in his youth and middle age he should attend to Artha and Kama, and in his old age he should perform Dharma, and thus seek to gain Moksha, i.e., release from further transmigration. Or, on account of the uncertainty of life, he may practise them at times when they are enjoined to be practised. But one thing is to be noted, he should lead the life of a religious student until he finishes his education.

Dharma is obedience to the command of the Shastra or Holy Writ of the Hindus to do certain things, such as the performance of sacrifices, which are not generally done because they do not belong to this world, and produce no visible effect; and not to do other things, such as eating meat, which is often done because it belongs to this world, and has visible effects.

Dharma should be learnt from the Shruti (Holy Writ), and from those conversant with it.

Artha is the acquisition of arts, land, gold, cattle, wealth, equipages and friends. It is, further, the protection of what is acquired, and the increase of what is protected.

Artha should be learnt from the king's officers, and from merchants who may be versed in the ways of commerce.

Kama is the enjoyment of appropriate objects by the five senses of hearing, feeling, seeing, tasting, and smelling, assisted by the mind together with the soul. The ingredient in this is a peculiar contact between the organ of sense and its object, and the consciousness of pleasure which arises from that contact is called Kama.

[18]Kama is to be learnt from the Kama Sutra (aphorisms on love) and from the practice of citizens.

When all the three, viz., Dharma, Artha, and Kama come together, the former is better than the one which follows it, i.e., Dharma is better than Artha, and Artha is better than Kama. But Artha should be always first practised by the king, for the livelihood of men is to be obtained from it only. Again, Kama being the occupation of public women, they should prefer it to the other two, and these are exceptions to the general rule.

Objection 1.

Some learned men say that as Dharma is connected with things not belonging to this world, it is appropriately treated of in a book; and so also is Artha, because it is practised only by the application of proper means, and a knowledge of those means can only be obtained by study and from books. But Kama being a thing which is practised even by the brute creation, and which is to be found everywhere, does not want any work on the subject.

Answer.

This is not so. Sexual intercourse being a thing dependent on man and woman requires the application of proper means by them, and those means are to be learnt from the Kama Shastra. The non-application of proper means, which we see in the brute creation, is caused by their being unrestrained, and by the females among them only being fit for sexual intercourse at certain seasons and no more, and by their intercourse not being preceded by thought of any kind.

Objection 2.

The Lokayatikas[4] say:—Religious ordinances should not be observed, for they bear a future fruit, and at the same time it is also doubtful whether they will bear any fruit at all. What foolish person will give away that which is in his own hands[19] into the hands of another? Moreover, it is better to have a pigeon to-day than a peacock to-morrow; and a copper coin which we have the certainty of obtaining, is better than a gold coin, the possession of which is doubtful.

Answer.

It is not so. 1st. Holy Writ, which ordains the practice of Dharma, does not admit of a doubt.

2nd. Sacrifices such as those made for the destruction of enemies, or for the fall of rain, are seen to bear fruit.

3rd. The sun, moon, stars, planets and other heavenly bodies appear to work intentionally for the good of the world.

4th. The existence of this world is effected by the observance of the rules respecting the four classes[5] of men and their four stages of life.

5th. We see that seed is thrown into the ground with the hope of future crops.

Vatsyayana is therefore of opinion that the ordinances of religion must be obeyed.

Objection 3.

Those who believe that destiny is the prime mover of all things say:—We should not exert ourselves to acquire wealth, for sometimes it is not acquired although we strive to get it, while at other times it comes to us of itself without any exertion on our part. Everything is therefore in the power of destiny, who is the lord of gain and loss, of success and defeat, of pleasure and pain. Thus we see the Bali[6] was raised to the throne of Indra by destiny, and was also put down by the same power, and it is destiny only that can re-instate him.

Answer.

It is not right to say so. As the acquisition of every object [20]pre-supposes at all events some exertion on the part of man, the application of proper means may be said to be the cause of gaining all our ends, and this application of proper means being thus necessary (even where a thing is destined to happen), it follows that a person who does nothing will enjoy no happiness.

Objection 4.

Those who are inclined to think that Artha is the chief object to be obtained argue thus. Pleasures should not be sought for, because they are obstacles to the practice of Dharma and Artha, which are both superior to them, and are also disliked by meritorious persons. Pleasures also bring a man into distress, and into contact with low persons; they cause him to commit unrighteous deeds, and produce impurity in him; they make him regardless of the future, and encourage carelessness and levity. And lastly, they cause him to be disbelieved by all, received by none, and despised by everybody, including himself. It is notorious, moreover, that many men who have given themselves up to pleasure alone, have been ruined along with their families and relations. Thus, King Dandakya,[7] of the Bhoja dynasty, carried off a Brahman's daughter with evil intent, and was eventually ruined and lost his kingdom. Indra, too, having violated the chastity of Ahalya,[8] was made to suffer for it. In a like manner the mighty Kichaka,[9] who tried to seduce Draupadi, and Ravana,[10] who attempted to gain over Sita, were punished for their [21]crimes. These and many others fell by reason of their pleasures.

Answer.

This objection cannot be sustained, for pleasures, being as necessary for the existence and well being of the body as food, are consequently equally required. They are, moreover, the results of Dharma and Artha. Pleasures are, therefore, to be followed with moderation and caution. No one refrains from cooking food because there are beggars to ask for it, or from sowing seed because there are deer to destroy the corn when it is grown up.

Thus a man practising Dharma, Artha and Kama enjoys happiness both in this world and in the world to come. The good perform those actions in which there is no fear as to what is to result from them in the next world, and in which there is no danger to their welfare. Any action which conduces to the practice of Dharma, Artha and Kama together, or of any two, or even one of them, should be performed, but an action which conduces to the practice of one of them at the expense of the remaining two should not be performed.

How To Meet The Right Man

A few weeks ago, I posted an article especially for guys. Today's article is for the ladies. It's written by Connie Ragen Green and it gives you dating tips. Try them!

"The key to successful dating is ... rather than focusing solely on finding and winning over that one and only right person, use this time in your life to learn about yourself and about relationships and to become a better partner. Being single can offer a unique advantage in the pursuit of good relationships. You have the opportunity to step back, take an inventory, learn and grow, and be far more ready for a healthy relationship. Instead of leaping headlong into the next romance, slow down and make some personal discoveries that will increase your chances of having your future relationships be more successful."

NINA ATWOOD, Be Your Own Dating Service

Yours for getting your man,
Neil Knight


How To Meet The Right Man - Dating Tips to Help You Find and Attract a Special Man Into Your Life

Starting a new relationship can take you closer to the life you are seeking, but you must be sure to connect with the right men from the very beginning. You will want to meet a man with whom you have something in common, someone who respects the fact that you had a life prior to meeting him, and also someone who is interested in growing with you as you build a life together. When you take all of these facts into consideration, the result is a relationship that will help you to become the person you were meant to be.

Finding a man to date that has some things in common with you should not be difficult, but I believe that many women do not even give this a thought when they begin dating seriously. Instead, look for common ground before you even go out on the first date with this new man in your life. The best ways to do this, in my own experience, are to meet men in the places where you already spend time. For example, if you like to play golf or tennis, meet men at the golf courses or on the tennis courts near where you live. If they are groups and organizations you are a part of, such as a church, civic organization, or non-profit group, look for single men who are already involved in those groups.

No matter how old you are or how many relationships you have had in the past, the new man in your life must acknowledge this. In fact, it would be highly unusual if you had no past. Even though you will not want to dwell on these past relationships as you get to know your new guy, you will still want to let him know where you are coming from in this regard. He will have a past and a history as well, so look forward to exchanging information that allows each of you to share only as much as you are comfortable with in the beginning. There will always be more time to share the more intimate details of what you have experienced in the past.

Now that you have found someone you like well enough to date, it's time to start planning your future together. This will take some time and effort on both of your parts. Take the time to explore and discuss the possibilities, and then decide what you will do to create your own memories and traditions. This is one of the most enjoyable parts of starting a new relationship.

------------------------

Remember that asking the right questions will help your relationship to succeed. Get started right away by visiting http://startinganewrelationship.com Starting a New Relationship to learn which questions to ask and how to attract the right man for a meaningful relationship.

Source: http://www.submityourarticle.com

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Contents of The Kama Sutra

As promised last week, today we look at the "Contents" of the Kama Sutra. From next week, we'll try to go through one chapter at a time.


"Gaze on my lips, and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie."


         William Shakespeare 

Yours for great love relationships,
Neil Knight

PART I.

CHAPTER I.

BEING THE INDEX TO OR CONTENTS OF THE WORK.

Chapter	II.	Observations on the three worldly attainments of Virtue, Wealth and Love.
"	III.	On the study of the Sixty-four Arts.
"	IV.	On the Arrangements of a House, and Household Furniture; and about the Daily Life of a Citizen, his Companions, Amusements, &c.
"	V.	About classes of Women fit and unfit for Congress with the Citizen, and of Friends, and Messengers.

PART II.

ON SEXUAL UNION.

Chapter	I.	Kinds of Union according to Dimensions, Force of Desire, and Time; and on the different kinds of Love.
"	II.	Of the Embrace.
"	III.	On Kissing.
"	IV.	On Pressing or Marking with the Nails.
"	V.	On Biting, and the ways of Love to be employed with regard to Women of different countries.
"	VI.	On the various ways of Lying Down, and the different kinds of Congress.
"	VII.	On the various ways of Striking, and of the Sounds appropriate to them.
"	VIII.	About females acting the part of Males.
"	IX.	On holding the Lingam in the Mouth.
"	X.	How to begin and how to end the Congress. Different kinds of Congress, and Love Quarrels.

[15]

PART III.

ABOUT THE ACQUISITION OF A WIFE.

Chapter	I.	Observations on Betrothal and Marriage.
"	II.	About creating Confidence in the Girl.
"	III.	Courtship, and the manifestations of the feelings by outward signs and deeds.
"	IV.	On things to be done only by the Man, and the acquisition of the Girl thereby. Also what to be done by a Girl to gain over a Man and subject him to her.
"	V.	On the different Forms of Marriage.

PART IV.

ABOUT A WIFE.

Chapter	I.	On the manner of living of a virtuous Woman, and of her behaviour during the absence of her Husband.
"	II.	On the conduct of the eldest Wife towards the other Wives of her husband, and of the younger Wife towards the elder ones. Also on the conduct of a Virgin Widow re-married; of a Wife disliked by her Husband; of the Women in the King's Harem; and of a Husband who has more than one Wife.

PART V.

ABOUT THE WIVES OF OTHER PEOPLE.

Chapter	I.	On the Characteristics of Men and Women, and the reason why Women reject the Addresses of Men. About Men who have Success with Women, and about Women who are easily gained over.
"	II.	About making Acquaintance with the Woman, and of the efforts to gain her over.
"	III.	Examination of the State of a Woman's mind.
"	IV.	The business of a Go-between.
"	V.	On the Love of Persons in authority with the Wives of other People.
"	VI.	About the Women of the Royal Harem, and of the keeping of one's own Wife.

[16]

PART VI.

ABOUT COURTESANS.

Chapter	I.	On the Characteristics of Men and Women, and the reason why Women reject the Addresses of Men. About Men who have Success with Women, and about Women who are easily gained over.
"	II.	Of a Courtesan living with a Man as his Wife.
"	III.	Of the means of getting Money; of the Signs of a Lover who is beginning to be weary, and of the way to get rid of him.
"	IV.	About a Re-union with a former Lover.
"	V.	Of different kinds of Gain.
"	VI.	Of Gains and Losses, attendant Gains and Losses, and Doubts; and lastly, the different kinds of Courtesans.

PART VII.

ON THE MEANS OF ATTRACTING OTHERS TO ONE'S SELF.

Chapter	I.	On Personal Adornment, subjugating the hearts of others, and of tonic medicines.
"	II.	Of the Means of exciting Desire, and of the ways of enlarging the Lingam. Miscellaneous Experiments and Receipts.